How to learn to fly again
by J.A.Kishu
Summary: Lucifer wakes up in the desert with wings that are useless. Part 3 of Fears of the Morningstar


**How to learn to fly again**

The sun is burning down on his skin. Slowly and carefully stands Lucifer up. His shirt and jacket are mission. Only his trousers were on him but they were dirty and ripped. This was one of his favorite suits and some stupid human destroyed it. When he gets them they won't be happy again ever in their lives.

Lucifer looks around and finds himself in a desert, far away from a road or living thinks. He guesses that without his immortality, his body would had dried out and died before he had woken up. He had many burn marks on his chest and suddenly the devil notice something else. Something heavy and huge attached to his back.

Lucifer turns around and sees them. Two beautiful white wings, shining more brilliant then the sun itself. "Bloody hell."

He decided to ignore the enormous wings on his back and walk to the road. He would just cut them off again. He didn't want them before and certainly not now as some cosmic joke made by his father.

* * *

The desert seems endless and after hours of walking Lucifer decided to use them to fly back to civilization. He needs to punish someone, a shower and a drink, most likely not in this order.

The former angel opens the wings, sand fells out from between the feathers. They look fine, a bit dirty but ready to be used. A few flaps with them and Lucifer seems happy with their ability to hold his weight.

The devil gets ready for his first flight after six years, his wings open, get the wind under them and Lucifer swings them to rise into the sky.

Suddenly a painful cramp appears in his stomach. Lucifer falls to the ground, all the air is pushed out of his lungs and holds his arms over his belly. He feels sick and his muscles cramp in his back and shoulder. The muscles he needs for flying.

After a few minutes the feeling of getting sick disappears slowly. Lucifer stands up, folds his wings and let them disappears. No flying for him. He continues his way on foot and tries not to think about why he couldn't fly.

* * *

Lucifer was back, he had to punish the person that gave him the wings and let him behind in the desert. Maze wasn't helpful ether. She couldn't believe he had his wings back. And this was her only thing with his whole kidnapping. No one was really interested in it.

To prove Maze that he had his wings back, he showed them to her. "And why didn't you fly out of the desert?" Maze asks without being very interested in the answer.

"The bloody things are useless, they don't work probably." To prove his words Lucifer let his wings flap once, twice and pull himself into the air.

The second his feet left the ground the pain in his stomach returned and the dizziness came back. Lucifer falls to the ground, his knees buckle and he is on the floor, breathing heavily through the pain.

Maze knees behind him, she wasn't the person or better demon for feelings but she tries to help. "Maybe you forgot how to fly. You could ask Amenadiel for help. Because they look fine to me."

* * *

This was a terrible idea and Lucifer knows it. Amenadiel will just make fun of him for forgetting how to fly. Lucifer isn't sure that it is the problem anyway. It's the pain. His brother can't help him with that he will be envy of them after losing his wings. He wants them but don't get them, Lucifer despise everything their father would give them and get his wings back.

As Amenadiel arrives He already knows about the wings. He wasn't envy as Lucifer had thought; he was more... unimpressed in the whole thing, especially because Lucifer doesn't want them.

"Just have a look, something is wrong with them. It hurt as I try to fly out of the desert." This was the answer to the question everyone was asking after seeing the wings. 'Why didn't you fly out' he would have but couldn't.

Amenadiel checks his wings with gentle fingers on his feathers. Lucifer closes his eyes and tries not to enjoy the feeling of someone touching his wings. The hands stop and Lucifer looks back to his brother. "There is nothing wrong with them. Your wings are as perfect as ever." Not the answer the devil was looking for.

"Fine there is still something wrong with them." He put the wings away and ignores the whole thing while he still feels their weight on his shoulders.

* * *

Lucifer looks at his therapist/friend and felt very guilty. It was his mother that had hurt her. And his mother had been out of this world because of him. The doctors said Linda was doing better but seeing her in the wheelchair wasn't an easy sign.

Her soft smile as she meets his eyes doesn't help with the matter of guilt. He doesn't felt worthy of it. She also asked how he is doing and it ended with him showing her his new pair of wings. She was fascinated and got caught by the divine almost imminently.

"Lucifer what is wrong? You look like you are hurt, are you?" Of course it ends in a season. She is a good therapist, one of the reason Lucifer had chosen her in the first place.

"I ... not that I wanted to but I can't use them. I feel sick as soon as I try to fly. And it hurts but not my body more ...inside." He couldn't meet her eyes, because the fear of what was the origin of his ´problem´ was probably something the good doctor would see imminently.

For a short moment Linda was watching him, understanding where the problem was but she needed a way to tell the devil that his inability to fly has nothing to do with the wings or his body but with an emotional block that prevents him from using them. Most likely due to his fall or what happened to his mother or that his Father had given them to him. Her friend and patient hast many places to start but how can she tell him that.

"Lucifer, have you thought about it in a different way. After you got your wings back, how did that make you feel? What was your first thought?" The devil looks up and meet his doctors eyes.

She could see his emotions on his face and most were hurt and sadness. "I thought that my Father ... he forced them on me and I don't want them and now they not even work." After this Lucifer took the first opportunity to leave. Hopefully to sort out his thought.

Linda was sad that she couldn't have helped him more. Lucifer would have to do it by himself but she would be there for him and do whatever is in her power.

* * *

The next day at the police station was no joy for the devil. He hadn't slept the night before, was tired and couldn't get rid of the sick feeling that concurs him when he attemps to fly. After countless tries the night before he had given up on the flying thing. Still the feeling of getting sick stays and Lucifer was gifted with useless wings.

Chloe who ask him what the matter was couldn't make out much of his problem, she doesn't believe him in the first place about the wings. She was also far too busy as that she would have time to deal with imagine wings, a kidnapping and Lucifer´s father issues. She let him sit at her desk while she was working on the pile of reports she has to finish until the afternoon.

While Chloe was working, Lucifer thought about the whole wing thing. Why was he suddenly so fixed on flying and why did it matter to him. He never regrets that he had ask Maze to cut them off. But now that they are back and he is unable to use them he can feel their weight again and his desire. His desire to fly, to soar into the sky and to feel the wind between his brilliant white feathers. Yes Lucifer loves flying, he would never say it out load but he does. This was the whole problem, now that his wings were back he could fly again, but when they not working he was chained to the surface like every other wingless creature and he could only dream about it. Much crueler for him, due to the fact that he wasn't one of the wingless, that he indeed had wings but was still on the ground.

Lucifer, didn't notice the arrival of Dan and Trixie, buried in his mind, thinking about his inability to fly. The child notice imminently that something was bothering her friend and after a short, whispered conversation with her mother, she run over to him and give the devil a big hug. That got his attention.

"Hello Lucifer. Mommy said that you are sad because your wings don't work probably." The innocent believe of a child brought a small smile on his face. She believes in him and his identity without a doubt and as sad it might appear it makes him feel better that this little human being believed that he is that devil and still was worried about him.

"Yes, child. I got them back but I can´t fly. I didn't want them but now that I have them it would be nice to use them." And without his intention he continues. "I´m quite found of flying."

"But you are not hurt, right? Your wings are fine?" Lucifer nods. "Why can´t you fly? Do you have to train when you say you didn't have them for a while? Did you forgot how to?" The child was very anger to help, Lucifer could feel it.

Somehow her eyes told him that it was okay to be honest to her, to tell her every spark of truth he can offer. "I feel this pain … inside of me, nothing is hurt but every time I try its like someone would hit me into my guts. It pulls me down again and makes me wish to stop trying." He hopes that he could make himself be understandable for her.  
"Did something happened when you were fying before, did you have a ruff landing or did you fall or something like that?" The Fall, yes there was a fall, a long, painful one that burned his skin and took his home away, his whole being as one of Fathers angel. He must have nod or give the child another sign of agreement. "Maybe you are afraid of falling again. That's ok. As I learned to ride a bike I did fall a lot and one time it was really bad, it destroyed my favorite dress and my knee was bleeding and it did hurt a lot, for days." Lucifer became a knee hold out to him to see tiny white lines on it, little scars a few years old from her fall. "After that I didn't want to ride my bike anymore, I was afraid that I would fall again and get hurt. But mommy said that it is okay to be afraid and that we fall sometime. We only have to stand up and try again. Fear doesn't have to stop you it helps you, to be careful enough to not get hurt again but it shouldn't stop you from doing thinks you like."

Lucifer lifts the child onto his lap, she let him and was happy about it, the devil could feel it. "You basically mean I should try again, because I know what could happen when I fall, I have to be careful and not let fear stop me from reaching for the sky." She nods. "And what when that doesn't work, when I still can´t fly, what should I do then, little genius? What does your endless wisdom say what I should do next?"

"When it doesn't work … you have to come to me and we try together, because it is alright to ask for help. Mommy did help me with my bike, she held the back and pushed me a bit, so when I fall she could have caught me. But you don't have to be afraid, of falling. If it doesn't work, it won´t be a long fall, it won´t hurt. Then you can get up and try again. Failing isn't a bad thing, giving up is." Says the child to the devil, persuaded of her opinion of the world.

"Alright I will try again, trying not being afraid and when I fall I will get up and try again, because nothing is wrong with my wings and a bit of fear won´t stop the devil from flying." For this he earned himself a hug, knowing that he is watched by the child´s parents he pretends as if the hug is something unpleasant.

* * *

The stars above Lucifer were mocking him. He had created them once upon a time. All this eons ago had he made them out of nothing them his light. They were up there and he was still down here. He was alone in his penthouse, or better above it. He had taken the stairs up onto the top of the building. Up on the roof he was looking to the stars that were only small spots on the illuminated sky. The city of Angels does its best to make the night a day. Sometimes he wish to see his stars better and he had taken a ride out in to the desert before, just to get away, to see something that wasn´t judging him.

He sighs and gets his wings out, white and brilliant bright as usually. Lucifer starts to touch a single feather with his right hand. It was soft and warm, a tiny wipe came back from the soft material through the tip of his finger. His wings were fine, more than that. Better as all this years in hell with the ash everywhere.

Clean and as good as new would nothing intervene with his flight, nothing physical at least. He had asked many people about his problem with his wings/flying and surprisingly the best and helpful answer came from an eight year old girl comparing flying to riding a bike.  
Thinking about it, you could compare it and she was probably right about him being afraid to fall. He had flown after his fall many times but he had never thought about it before. Now he was fighting against them, as a body part he didn't want to have and someone gave it to him, worst he couldn't get rid of it.  
They were his, only his and when he accepts them as a part of him and not something his father had forced onto him he would be able to feel the freedom of flying again.

Beatrice words about fear came to his mind. Yes, it was alright to be afraid but you can´t never let it stop you, to do what you want.

Standing at the edge of the building Lucifer doesn't look down, he looks up into the starry sky, his destination. His wings open in the fresh night wind that crows up the building. He let the wind catch him and his wings take him up to the sky.

Lucifer soars above the roofs of his city and feels a laugh building inside of his body. Loud laughing the devil turns to the other direction that will lead him out of the city away from the light.

He arrives at a tall rock formation far away from the next human building and lands softly. His wings got a bit tired, not used to such a long flight, but it was a good kind of exhaustion. Lucifer stares up into the sky, millions of his creation shine down on him. The devil rest in the dessert and watches the night sky until the first light of the morning arrives and he returns to Los Angeles.

* * *

Bright and early Lucifer knocks at the Detective´s door. He is greeted by two women in pajamas. One adult, one child. Chloe looks confused as Trixie gets the biggest (and most likely most expensive) chocolate cake the city has to offer.

The devil calls it a gift for offered advice and Chloe isn't sure what advice a child could give her partner but she was glad that Lucifer was in a much better mood then the day before. Even when she had to fight with him about the importance of proper breakfast before cake.


End file.
